There are so many people who are struggling this year. Lists of change and loss of friends and acquaintances seem absolutely endless. In so many posts that you might read you’ll likely hear about change, sorrow and pain.

As of late I’ve read a lot of posts on Facebook about not judging another persons life beings there is likely pain below the surface. Those pains are absolutely diverse, and vary on a scale. Doctors might ask you to label that pain from 1 to 10. Some of us end up looking at the physician with bewilderment not having any idea how to put a label to something so overwhelming.

The start of this year has brought on things that are so intense that I myself cannot label 1 to 10. Perhaps like many I might say 89. This year so far has brought the loss of life in my world. Deep dynamic changes. Waiting to hear the results of a life saving procedure. The usual stressors at work and the interesting dynamic changes that often happen there.

That list not being complete, resulted in other pains. I’ve had the worst fibromyalgia flare I’ve had in over 3 years. The stress is altering how my migraine medication is working for me. Then to make things fun I had a heart event that nearly landed me in the hospital, something I obviously fought.

It is very difficult to look at all of that and put into words the pain they actually bring. Writing the list looks a bit simpler than it really feels. It is even more difficult to put into words the positive twist as there really hasn’t been.


However, there are in their own way learning opportunities and positive sides. The loss of life is something that tends to remind a person how short life really is. I’ve had this experience for myself twice the previous year, for anyone who might not have read that. I am more than grateful to be here, writing an emotionally charged post.

The loss which effect others in my family is obvious hard to see, however I know that the pain below the surface is something that is personal, but something I wish I could ease, even just a little.

The surgery was a painful waiting to know if the person made it through. Now hoping that the long term helps and eases pain. Understanding the pain below the surface is something that a person can’t just see nor can a number express. A person can only hope for the very best. Also another reminder of the delicacy of life. Yet the opportunity given after the wonders of the medical community which do help us to live a longer and fuller life.

Dynamic changes within relationships and the work environment are often difficult. Having good changes, bad changes and difficult ones open your eye to finding calm within your social and work groups. I’ve learned more and more about finding peace in some changes. Those changes seem to help a person value people in a different way. Knowing that I am not the only one moving through change allows me to remember the feelings below the surface of others.

Owning It

The physical pain that has come with change is something that I have accepted. I learned that self-care is something that I do really need to work on more. Not only do I need to continue to improve in that arena I also need to really concentrate on emotional stress which does manifest in physical pain. I know there are others who are even better at hiding that pain from people, and who would benefit from knowing that someone cares and understands.

Looking at my list it would be easy to say that I have lost a good deal of hope in the future of this year. I must say there have been moments. In the long run though it has challenged me to actually work on parts of my life that I didn’t even see.

There are things that are buried deep within me that I feel the pain from, but like looking at others from the outside, really never saw. Step by step I am uncovering things that are mine. Not the surface pain or the obvious stress; the layers below that I didn’t know I could even heal for myself. I suppose this was a long way of saying that it is alright and good for me to take a look at those things below the surface, accept them, appreciate them, strive to understand and work through them.

I’ve accepted that what others see of my pain is their own business through the understanding and experience that is their own. What I see of my pain is my business and responsibility. That in no way means that my pain, concern and love is in anyway reduced for others. However, there seems to be calm and freedom in that. To bring everything together I feel like the pain of all of the large events of this year has thrust me into evolving and peace.

~Sensually Yours~
Shy Willow

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