It certainly has been an incredibly intense week. After the loss of a very dear friend we set to the task of helping his family. Doing so took a bit of time, some tears and a good deal of elbow grease. Helping to clear out his rented home taught us a lot about the man that we loved. His passions and projects as well as collections all painted a deeper picture of his interests and even struggles. While the task itself and the labor of love was at times a sweat inducing dance, each step I took was in love. Helping his family was an honor and a way we could give back all of the wonderful help that he gave us. Looking back with his family helped all of us laugh at the good times, and learn from the rough ones.
While taking a break from carpet cleaning I had the privileged of talking to his brother. It was a great deal of fun to learn about their childhood. I very much enjoyed talking to someone who reminded me so much of the man we all loved so much. While learning about the fun and the ornery I also learned a bit more about the struggles and pain that they went through.
Looking Back
During some of the many talks with my beloved friend, we found that we had shared many similarities. I miss the talks of essential oils, natural medicine and health. One thing we had talked about shortly before he passed was the challenges we both face in having so many interests. It was a relief to talk to someone who felt the same way that I do. We agreed that being able to learn so many different things and quickly was a nice thing to own. However, both of us felt that it was of little use if none of those things we could truly perfect or develop well enough to own them.
Hearing his brothers perspective on how he saw that very same struggle in him was certainly eye opening. While he was more blunt, the message was the same. I myself have heard something similar in my own walk. I’ve often gone through and tried to picture what it was that I should cling to and truly fight to perfect. I had gone through jobs, hobbies, skills and passions.
Sorting Through More Than Just A Home
It was truly ironic that shortly before this conversation, I had been going over the same conversation my dear friend and I had. However, the irony did not stop there. A couple of days before I met his brother, my writing ran through me once again as something I need to pursue. Our dear one used to encourage me while he read each post I wrote. While it is something I know doesn’t happen overnight, it is a dream I have had since early childhood. Here I am doing just that.
So after all of that excitement the irony did not end. Last night I had a dream about sitting and working on my site. I have not written in such a long time that when I woke up I knew I needed to visit. Opening up my site this morning my heart fell and was crushed to pieces. Much like a previous disaster my site was missing years of work. However, it was a slightly different cause than the previous train wreck. I sat for hours working every angle that I could to gain back 3 years of work. It was a situation where even a back-up was of little use.
As this pulled tears from my eyes, I felt how much this work truly means to me. While I have written on this before, much like anything that I do, I found something else that I was compelled to learn. A few hours and a pot of coffee later I finally took a deep breath of relief when up came my work, a site that looked correct and a realization that all of this irony must mean something for my life.
Moving Forward
Clinging on to that irony, I am adding back into my routine the permission that I need to take the time to write. Both our loved friend and my twin flame have heavily encouraged my taking the time to write. There are so many things that I have let slip as I have been learning how to manage my pain. Learning to accept a new life is a challenge, and adding back in the things that I love and need, are things that I have grossly neglected.
Even after his passing my dear friend continues to teach me knew things. It is wonderful to get the chance to remember those conversations and glean beautiful things.
In posting this he will not be there to like and share my post. I do however know that he would have, the same way my dear adopted family will do so.
Thank you for the support even when I cannot support or appreciate myself. Thank you for loving me when I have not. Life is all to short to dislike and disconnect, rather than to find what is important to you.Family