Self Discoveries

I have written this post a couple of times. Once while eating my breakfast, another while driving and again here. I have also written a couple of times about self discoveries, one of which was very recent. One interest I have is in the irony that surrounds our very lives and I’d like to share one of mine.

When I was very young I chose the job I was going to have when I grew up. Like almost every child I was certain this was going to happen. It is probably no surprise that being a teacher was my etched-in-stone future life, after all a great portion of my class had a similar desire. Of course along the way other interests arose. Not too many years later I found a passion in writing, one that has stayed with me since.

College Dreams

Walking into my neAsphalt running trackcessary meeting as a freshman in college I expressed the degree path I chose. This path was one that I did have interest in, it was also something that my ASVAB said that I could be successful in, law. A semester into my studies and my Freshman Interest Group education we took a trip to a courtroom and had the opportunity to visit with a long-standing judge. While I understood the reason it could happen I didn’t appreciate the pessimist who coldly expressed his job and the way he got to where he was.


I did a lot of soul-searching after that appointment. While I did force myself not to focus on the judge I did realize that the basics of defending the potential aggressor and prosecuting the possible innocent  were heart wrenching. I gave up that career choice.

I once again walked into my professor and I expressed my desire to study English. I was openly scoffed at. As he spoke I was hurt and deflated, “an English degree is virtually worthless”. He recommended I try something that was similar yet on a path that could “get me a job”. I entered a degree program into something I had no passion for. Communications classes that I started with had to do with networking. The classes choked the life from me. I did however love the passion of the argument class I took.

I was not able to continue with the university due to financial problems. Two jobs and commission hours on the side were not enough to keep my in studies let alone pay for housing and food. I was devastated. A degree was truly the overall dream. It was the prize I knew would make my family proud, it was the goal that was supposed to bring me some self-worth.

Dreams Change

Having children was really something I had opted against at an early age. I was told growing up that having children this day and age was cruel to them. In a way I agreed. Yet, after marriage I got to a point where that all melted away. With the first and subsequent little people many more goals and dreams were put in place.

Eventually I started to look for ways to supplement my spouses income. I had hoped to relieve some of our financial burden. I went back to school, this time online. My degrees were earned with sweat, tears and so much stress. Yet I reached that goal, taking so many years, yet I did it, I gained that bar that was set so many years before.

The first degree was in Information Technology. I enjoyed the work and was able to find different interests in the program. I loved what I was doing, save the math of course. I had to take a break to deliver our second child.

The third baby came and a few years passed by and I once again entered the world of formal education. I was determined. I conjured strength despite the pain that came with it. I finished my English degree. That degree was the one that inflated my heart, it was the one that made me truly feel like I had reached and surpassed that bar.


In the twist of irony I sit here writing and earlier realized that I have met a life goal. I write on the messy blog on my small hidden place on the internet, a hodge-podge of genres, styles, tones and goals all chaotically organized. I have finally done it, and didn’t even know it. I am a teacher, though on the slimmest scale. I teach about so many things on this blog, by way of encouragement, humor, shared pain and even lifestyles. I teach from my heart! I use that technology study! I weave this operation together through structure and design. I write! I pour my heart into my writing.

adult woman in woods arms raised

The writing that I do here I hope to even touch just one person in a way that will make them smile, heal a pain in the day, motivate and humor. Somethings of course are only meant for entertainment. The writing I do is with passion, it is with life, which is an addition to a goal that I never saw coming. Another irony, through it all not only to I reach and surpass goals but life build it even higher with a gust of warm sweet air. I was allowed to find more than just goals.

I could go ahead and focus on advertising to reach a few more people who will visit my little home on the internet. I could focus on trying to monetize to help make a dream something profitable. I can’t nor do I want to. As was mentioned earlier I don’t write just to write, I write when my heart demands it. I write when something comes to mind that I feel could help others. I write when I find that there are characters building a story in my mind.

I most often write for you. Thank you to the friends and family who check-up on me. Thank you for those who stop by and cringe at my work, I still appreciate your time. Thank you to the passer-by  who fumbles across me. It is a blessing to have even a couple of people help me reach those many goals.

Life stories are rarely something that we want to read from a stranger. This may not be something that warms a single person, but even if it touches one, it is another goal met.

~Sensually Yours~
Shy Willow

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