The beast it swims in my head. A darkness racing through my every vein reaching the most distant places of my very soul. Fingers wrapping themselves into me like the grip of an ivy to a chain linked fence. My every breath marked by the pain it creates. The duct of my eyes ache for want of relief but the darkness stifles my tears.
My heart beats against its own strangulation wishing to emit light and love, each throb dulling, succumbing to the dark. A soul wishing to run, flee, fly, escape, yet holding itself down against its own will.
The veins no longer nourishing but draining an already weak and tired body. I wonder, do my lips even remember a genuine smile? A motion through life, lacking luster, shine, enthusiasm and warmth.
I once found peace in the plants growing green through the moist spring soil. Representative of new life, abundance and hope. Why now does my soul find them toil and lost dreams?
Never is my mind quiet, nor was it ever such a place. I do remember however, a time when the thoughts that raced through the peaceful moments were warmer. My mind harbors no peaceful moments, the race track replaced by a chain gang mining a daily check list.
The stars used to be the light of the night. Nights of freedom and a reminder of one’s own insignificance in the expanse. Little has changed of night but the freedom replaced by a heavy burden, surely the stars shine for someone else.
~ Jenn aka. Mom