To begin with I called my situation an identity crisis because it did not quite fit the mid-life crisis class. I then started to feel that my current situation was more of the effects of trying to categorize myself, when really who should do that? Next I resolved to blame my situation on others and their effects on me, until I decided that was irresponsible. None of these solutions entirely fit the bill, yet none of them were absolutely wrong either.Reading and reflecting, and of course some time to calm those occasionally over zealous emotions, resulted in my current state of affairs. I sit here motivated to move mountains in several different aspects of life. I am motivated to set goals that I plan on keeping at the forefront rather than in clean-up duty. I am determined to be myself and no longer be afraid that that is not good enough. I am resolute that I can be part of the solution. I absolutely know that I will make mistakes, that I will review my post in life (and should), that I will have to clean up the pieces again. However, I am reminded that after a terrible tragedy there are wonderful things that occur. Tornados and hurricanes will come; there will be tears, anger, a sense of loss, and of course a big mess. After the tears, anger, loss, and the mess are cleared up; there can be growth, renewal, joy, and a fresh start!
I may still be wiping tears. I still have a slight pull towards anger. I have a huge sense of loss, many kinds of loss, and there is no shortage of mess to clear. In the distance, I can see and smell the fresh start, I know it is coming, and with gratefulness I am taking my baby steps towards it!!!
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*originally published on A Mom's Handbook. com