It happens every so often that I finally take a chance moment to step back and review where I am in contrast to where it is that I want to be. These chance moments often result in a variety of changes; some good some not so good. I am working my way through a book right now that has a very logical outlook on reviewing your current situation and baby stepping your way towards your goal. Often I find my biggest throw back is not keeping my goal in the front of my mind but rather letting it slip into the joyful swirling abyss of children, gardening, blogging, schooling, pets, activities, and normal life.
My most recent chance moment was less than a slight breeze and more like a life altering tornado or hurricane. The devastation that it left behind was at first quite painful. Although I have emerged from the other side I still am feeling pin pricks of pain throughout my days. I see tidbits of things that I clearly need to change.
To begin with I called my situation an identity crisis because it did not quite fit the mid-life crisis class. I then started to feel that my current situation was more of the effects of trying to categorize myself, when really who should do that? Next I resolved to blame my situation on others and their effects on me, until I decided that was irresponsible. None of these solutions entirely fit the bill, yet none of them were absolutely wrong either.
Reading and reflecting, and of course some time to calm those occasionally over zealous emotions, resulted in my current state of affairs. I sit here motivated to move mountains in several different aspects of life. I am motivated to set goals that I plan on keeping at the forefront rather than in clean-up duty. I am determined to be myself and no longer be afraid that that is not good enough. I am resolute that I can be part of the solution. I absolutely know that I will make mistakes, that I will review my post in life (and should), that I will have to clean up the pieces again. However, I am reminded that after a terrible tragedy there are wonderful things that occur. Tornados and hurricanes will come; there will be tears, anger, a sense of loss, and of course a big mess. After the tears, anger, loss, and the mess are cleared up; there can be growth, renewal, joy, and a fresh start!
I may still be wiping tears. I still have a slight pull towards anger. I have a huge sense of loss, many kinds of loss, and there is no shortage of mess to clear. In the distance, I can see and smell the fresh start, I know it is coming, and with gratefulness I am taking my baby steps towards it!!!
*originally published on A Mom’s Handbook. com